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March 6th, 2005

05:31 pm - I have decided.... ... to move to blog-city. you may read my next entries there. God blez! http://www.stillawoman.blog-city.com Current Mood: happy! excited! Current Music: Wooooh, Praise Him... woooh praise Him...

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February 27th, 2005

11:08 pm - My Day Today- Feb 27 Ey, here’s a short update regarding what’s been happening in my life. Enjoy! If there is such a thing as ‘pre-wedding jitters’, there is also what I call the PRE-GRAD jitters. ( Agree ba mga graduates?) In a month’s time, I may be counted as among the unemployed young professionals in the country unless I find a job right after graduation- soon! My itinerary for the following weeks consist of releasing my resume to schools and companies within the vicinity of Diliman, Quezon City. I prefer working near our home (our cutie apartment), our church (the cool DMI) and our ministry (SOD). Actually, I have this burning desire to teach in a certain prestigious University, serving as an instructor in the College level (if they allow me to) and at the same time practice my first love- teaching preschoolers. I guess you know which University this is. I am incubating this desire in prayer and if it is God’s will, He will open a door that no man can shut and shut a door that no man can open. Lord, is this Your will? This whole day, we had our 7th Year Anniversary Celebration as Destiny Ministries International- Manila. Praise be to God for the growth and the blessings He has poured upon the church as a whole and upon every individual member. I learned earlier that we had the greatest number of attendees in the Sunday Service- a total of 180 adults and 60 children. WoW! We could barely make kasya in the Life Center. It was too full already- a sign that we need to have 2 services already (OR else move to a bigger venue). And to think we are still a little over a year in the Center and it’s becoming too small for us already. So starting next Sunday, we will be having 2 Sunday Services already. (9:30- 11:30 am and 6:00- 8:00 pm). I am excited! I am excited for this year of greater works! I had a short talk with the Gadelle Young Professionals kanina and I sensed it is really ripe for us to start meeting as a separate cell from the Campus Gadelles. There is an urgency in the Spirit, and there is an opening in the Fourth dimension. We have to make way for the coming harvest among Young Professionals. This is quite a feat for us- knowing we’ve never trodden over this path before. This will be the first ever YP cell which is a product of a purely SOD harvest and a forerunner in the G12 vision. A pressure is on us to be a model for the next generation of SOD grads at the same time I feel this certain high knowing a challenge is before us- to conquer Professionals for Jesus. Amen! My dear kuya will be coming home to Pinas this March 1 after spending about a year in Japan, preparing for his grad study there sponsored by Panasonic. This is the second time he has been away from me for a year (the first time was when he had his 1st year college here in UP Diliman and a year after that I followed him). I am quite excited to meet him once again. Matagal na ako hindi nakipag-debate. Hehe. He is my sparring partner, a thought provoker and a much anticipated opinion-giver. I can not afford not to have an older brother like him. Checkout my testimonial in his friendster account and you’ll see how ‘close’ we are. Hehe. Lastly, me and my housemates were surfing through the TV when we chanced upon the wedding ceremony of G Toengi and this Tim guy at GMA. Right on was the saying of their wedding vows. (galing ng timing!) G was saying how in love she was with the guy and etc etc etc tapos she described him as kind, sweet, generous, selfless, sexy , blah blah blah. Everything except God-fearing, prayerful, anointed, Spirit filled and of course, MACHO! Ehehe, everything I want in a guy. I admit I have this weakness for a ‘macho’ na guy. I have my own definition of macho though. He is NOT a man who’s body is rippling with muscles and all (I have a word for this, no offense meant ha-mukhang longganisa!). He is NOT a man who thinks he is Arnold Schwarz… umm Sylvester Stallone and has the moves of FPJ. He is NOT mayabang, maayo mamirahay (can’t translate in Filipino/english) nor a hero in shining armor. Rather, for me, a macho guy is… Hmmm, parang pwede toh pang magandang article ah. Abangan nyo nalang ang sususnod na kabanata. Hehe. TO BE CONTINUED. Current Mood: az in wide awake! Current Music: The Rhythm of Heaven- Vineyard

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February 22nd, 2005

12:17 pm - the BIG question of 'where?' A question has been bugging me since this semester started. Knowing I will be graduating this March, it has come to my utmost concern to think about WHERE I will be going after graduation. The issue is really the place to go. Not what to do or how to do things. Many days have been spent asking the Lord where… where… where. You see I have several options. 1. Stay here in Manila and minister under the covering of DMI. Find a job here, wait for the right time to take MS and continue the ministry of changing lives through DMI and SOD. 2. Go back to Cagayan de Oro and find a job there. Recommit to JFAN and minister to the youth. 3. Go with Papsy and Mum as they leave for US next year to church plant. Apply for scholarship in MS and look for a job. At the same time, help in pioneering the church. 4. Go to missions. To a yet unknown land with a yet unrevealed people group. 5. Start putting up a preschool somewhere. ALL these options bear much weight in my heart, especially numbers 1 to 5. (hehe, lahat actually) And I need a clear word of direction from the Lord. I don’t just want to make a decision based on how close I am to the people concerned, how much the people in the area need a minister, how I wanted to run away from a difficult task or etc. One word from the Lord and I will have something to hold on to for the rest of my life. FINALLY, I got my answer 2 days ago. Stay. Stay. Stay. It was undeniable. And it was clear. I will stay here. I will minister here. I will seek employment here. And I will bear much children here. I will impact the next generation here. And I will make history here, by the power of God. There was an assurance though that one day, I will go to the nations (check option # 4). The time is yet to be known but one day I will. So for the time being, I will maximize my stay here and be a catalyst for change to as many multitudes as possible. Freeeeeeedom! *I think I hear some Gadelles and SOD’s sighing with relief. Hehe. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Dancing Generation

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12:15 pm - Synopsis of the Preaching Last Sunday, we had a special speaker during the service- Pastor Rich who is a G12 of Ptr Ricardo Santiago who is a G12 of Ptr Cesar Fajardo who is a G12 of Ptr Cesar Castellanos. I consider my life never the same again after hearing this Man of God preach. What he preached was actually a basic teaching since I became a DMI-er but hearing him preach refreshed me and recharged me. Here are some of the things I learned: 1. If we think a task is too low for us, the truth is that maybe it’s too high. This statement led me to assess my life as a leader and as a servant. Too many times, I have used the excuse “tapos na ako jan” to delegate to another a task assigned to me, to NOT do a specific assignment and to say “maya na, busy pako”. The principle to greatness has not changed. If we want to be great, we have to learn to be the servant of all. Hearing this line led me to repentance and to a renewed commitment to serve my leaders. 2. Submission and servanthood is the key to receiving the mantle of spiritual authority. Bible scholars say that the time span between the calling of Elisha and the rapture of Elijah to heaven took 10 years. Meaning, for those 10 long years Elisha was faithfully serving Elijah, pouring water on his hands and maybe carrying his baggages and stuff. Wow. Submission is required of us whether we agree or not. 3. We need more fathers in the church. Elijah- Elisha had a father-son relationship. When Elijah was caught up to heaven, he cried out “My father, my father…”. NOT my “teacher..teacher” or “leader…leader”. He found a father in the man of God. I pray I will be such- both a daughter and a mother to many. We do not need more teachers in the church- those who will merely give an education to the congregation. Too often, churches have become an institution, giving out Biblical education, and the tithes serve as the tuition. What we really need are fathers- who will release impartation of the spirit. Those who will teach us how to live and help us fulfill our destiny. Those who will raise up sons and daughters who will walk in their footsteps, yet also walk in the uniqueness of their calling. 4. When we choose to go under the spiritual covering of our leaders after rebelling against them, we can not go back to our original place. We have to start from the bottom once again. This is one consequence of rebellion. We cannot expect God to restore us to the same level that we were at before we rebelled. We have to go start at the bottom and work our way up through submission and servanthood. The giftings are irrevocable. But the spiritual authority that accompanies the gifting is grows through impartation as we stay under the mantle. 5. The double portion anointing is the anointing of a firstborn son. When Elijah was about to be taken to heaven, he asked his son “What do you want from me?” and Elisha simply said “I want a double portion of your spirit.” He wanted to carry on with the agenda of his father. So it happened that Elijah performed 7 miracles by the power of God and his servant/son performed 13 miracles plus 1. (when the dead body who touched his dead bones came alive once again) He passed through the process and this qualified him to receive the firstborn son’s portion. He had a cut above the rest. He was a cut above the rest. In conclusion I say, we do not have to wait for our spiritual fathers to die before we get our impartation. If we serve God well by serving our leaders well, a portion awaits us. God is looking at our hearts. Are we willing to be brought low to be raised high? Are we willing to be raised as servant/sons and fathers to the lost souls? The next generation awaits us. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Facedown

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February 21st, 2005

08:29 am yup, I am officially back to the world of blogging. I made my decision to balik-loob and here I am. Enjoy reading my next entries! Current Mood: yey, no practicum this week! Current Music: I believe I can fly...

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12:55 am - My First BD Xp- Part II My First BD Xp- Part II I cannot believe my pastors set me upon a blind date! Feb 18 marked the day when I had my first BD experience arranged by nonetheless than my spiritual mom and dad. This reminded me of the Bible stories of old where Isaac was set up with Rebekkah, the servant traveling far and wide to search for the woman fit for the son of his Master. I also remembered the movie Fiddler on the Roof (one of the best old movies ever!) where there was a song about the Matchmaker who was called upon to make a match between eligible singles. I had a discussion with some sisters, using our discernment + analytical skills to determine who the mystery guy is but we came up with null. We just concluded 2 things, that he is most likely a professional and it is possible that he is from LB. This is not to undermine the men in DMI-Mla. It’s just that I cannot see a date material from the men here except for Zephi or MattMatt (you see mahilig ako sa extra extra younger men. Hehe). To the last minute, I did not know who he is until the time I stepped inside the sanctuary of the LIFE Center and my dear pastor’s wife introduced me to him. It turned out our hypothesis was right. He is a professional and he is from LB. I remember meeting him a few years back (I think I was freshman then- 1999) when me and Di went to LB to attend an overnight prayer meeting. After which, I met him again during our All-Night Prayer meeting where he accompanied his mentor in preaching. I didn’t even say hello to him then. Our first 5 minutes was a bit strained, strangers trying to find a common ground for conversation. But when I found out he was a true blue Bisaya like me, we clicked it off and a rapport was established. I had a good conversation with the guy, him sharing about his ministry, his salvation and deliverance experience, sfc days, a discussion on the different personality types and etc. I shared the same things too and with each story, I relaxed and enjoyed the whole evening through. The music and the ambience and the teaching was also great so this was a bonus for us. To have an excuse to not talk when we ran out of topics to discuss. Because the band was playing or the speaker was speaking. So this is what a blind date is all about. A bit stiff at first. Nakakakaba pero it was worth all the kaba because the night went smoothly. If given a chance though, I’d rather not go through the experience again unless I am confident that the matchmaker knows me well. So does this mean I am kissing dating ‘hello’? (in contrast to Joshua Harrris’ I Kissed Dating GoodBye). Not really. As long as I am still in college, I am under oath to commit to the seventh commandment of SOD. After which, I am committed to settle not for the good but only for the best. To close this topic, there was no eureka for me that night. BUT I did gain a new friend and came to know a brother in the Lord. I ended the night praying to my Heavenly Father that he open doors that should be open and close the doors that should be closed. He is in control and I trust he will set the right place and the right time and the right circumstance to meet the right one. I am a stickler after all to having a relationship God’s way. Current Mood: calm Current Music: snoring + the fan

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12:54 am - My First BD Xp- Part I My First BD Xp- Part I * This article comes as a response to the demand of the public to know about my R & R experience last Feb 18. Hehe. Weeks before the Romance and Rhythm Post Valentine concert, the youth sector of the church has been buzzing with unheard of questions as “Sino date mo?”, “Pumayag na ba siya?”, or “Siya na kaya?”. I think I see some guilty hands raised. ☺ This is a new thing that we are doing wherein the leadership decided to allow the elephants- umm… the committed- no bf/gf- brainwashed workers to date. That’s spelling a new thing for us. This does not mean we are lowering the standard. Far be it. Rather we are giving the workers an opportunity to get in touch with their man self (for the brothers) or their women selves (for the sisters) and grow in emotional maturity. As a pastor, I did worry about my people--- what if hindi nila kaya e-handle ang emotions nila when someone asks them out? what if something is sparked that night? what happens after (sa mga nag-date)? what if.. what if… what if…? But I realized later on that these people are mature enough already to handle their emotions. And they have grown enough to be allowed such a degree of freedom. So I started preparing. I talked to the people concerned and I briefed and debriefed those who are dating SOD-SOD. I was busy doing the planning, working and worrying about the finances. For nights I can’t sleep at my usual bedtime (10 pm) and instead slept 2- 3am just going through the plans and the budget, praying and seeking God’s favor. Coupled with academic requirements (defense of our research plus practicum), I was quite stressed. A few days before Feb 17 Youth R&R, my dear pastor and his dear wife kept asking me if I have a date already. I did ask some guy friends but they were all busy with their busy lives. So my answer- a big NO. I don’t have an admirer. I don’t have a suitor. And I don’t have a boyfriend. That’s to say it bluntly. And definitely, I cannot afford to have any of the above as of now. Maybe in 2 months or so pwede na. (excited? Hehe.) But then, I heard from one of our staff that someone made paalam to take me. And another staff said that someone really did make paalam. Hmmm… that’s when my sleepness nights turned worse, tossing and turning in my bed, thinking about the mystery guy. Acads+ R&R planning + mystery guy= sleep @ 3 am and a stronger prayerlife. You bet I prayed more this month than in the past months! Then feb 17 came. And the mystery was yet to be unveiled. But he did not come through. That day, my stress climaxed when the the tables arrived dirty and the physical arrangement was not yet in place, there was still a lack in finances, the tickets sold were less than a hundred, the soundsys was not working excellently, the assigned ushers arrived very very very very late, the food was supposed to be pork roast but came out as asado ( a far cry from the food we tasted during the taste test with the caterer) with minute portions of mashed potato, and there was a possibility of shortage due to the too large portions served to the first 50 guests. Waaaaaaah! In other words, I did not enjoy the night. Finally the night ended and we did the clean up afterwards. At 2 am, I was about to go home when the mystery started to unravel. My dear pastor told me to attend the next night’s R & R with the Professionals because a date has been set up for me. NEWS FLASH: The mystery guy does exist and I will meet him that night (Feb 18). I went home and slept as soon as my head touched the pillow. TO BE CONTINUED. Hehe. Current Mood: calm Current Music: my sister snoring!

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October 5th, 2004

03:20 pm - help pray Never have I prayed for my acads such i am praying now. I need to pass all my subjects. I cannot afford to fail yet again. I must, I must, I must. oh Lord pleeeaaase! Right now, medjo tagilid Statistics ko. Not my vital statistics (yeah, I know I need to reduce!) but my Statistics 101. It's just Intro to Stat but knowing I am Mathematically-challenged, I need to exert extra extra effort to understand all the gibberish and the shandarabaska. Please help me pray ha. Thanks! Current Mood: busy Current Music: kids songs!

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October 2nd, 2004

11:10 pm - GADELLES- The Greatest was a Match for Thousands I could imagine leading ten, a fifty, a hundred and even a thousand-man army. But leading more than that, I can NOT envision myself anymore. My vision has reached its limits. Ceiling. The End. That was before Saturday, the Twenty-Fifth of September Two Thousand and Four. Since that night, I became forever wasted from mediocre visioneering. Yup, envisioning up to a thousand is just plain average compared to the kind of potential I have in Christ. NOW, I see myself leading not just a thousand-man army but even a thousand-CELL army. A people moving as one body, with the same vision, the same language, the same spirit and the same anointing to multiply the same race. What a day that will be. Looking through the eyes of faith, I envision a nation and THE nations conquered with the presence of God manifested through His army. More grace is needed, I know. And more sacrifices are entailed, this I know well. The question now is, am I willing to pray the price and pay the price? Am I willing to lay myself at the altar and die to my OWN ambitions, dreams and desires? Many men have attempted to conquer their generation. They dreamed big dreams. They dreamt God’s dreams. YET they ran to no avail. Somewhere along the way, they stumbled, fell and never rose again. Far be it that I become a part of such a statistic. Never in my wildest dreams would I desire to be such a man- or woman. Grace, Lord. Grace. Current Mood: wide awake & ready to conquer!

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September 28th, 2004

04:36 pm - sept 28 - thoughts - I can’t help but dream. If one has been an SOD too long (in my case, 5 years plus na- Lord no more extension please!), one can’t help but learn how to dream. Kung tadtarin ka ba naman sa preachings tungkol sa vision, seeing, prophesying, decalring… - This is our last week of classes at CDC. I will surely and utterly miss my toddlers’ class. cutie dupie woolie doolie kids. - Yey, I studied for Stat in 3 straight hours without breaks! This is victory for me. Maybe I’m starting to love Numbers na. hmm.. - I just realized, there’s this one person that I still fear. Met this person again last Sat and I became dumbstruck, speechless, disoriented. Lord deliver me. - Bakit di nagpapaalam and ulan? Kanina, I had no umbrella with me so as the rain poured, nabasa ako. Di man lang dumilim ang kalangitan. Just a thought: Is this also true in the spiritual? Maybe. You never know when God would come raining down. - If I had my way, I would tell her that she go and attend the Convergence. But I know that’s not right, knowing her Pastor does not allow. So I have to tell her what I know about spiritual authority- whatever it costs, though it hurts, the best way is still to submit to your leaders. - I love the youth. Yesterday, I went to UPm and met with the sod pips. Exhorted them to dream big for their campus. Grabe, they were so open. Could see some of them with mouths wide open and eyes fixed on me as I spoke. Hungry sila. Raise up conquerors and history makers from among them, Lord! Current Mood: content Current Music: Your Love is Extravagant...

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03:08 pm - chapter ONE One chapter of my life has just ended. I've been meaning to talk to an old time former 'special' friend but never had a GO signal from my True Love until the other day. I found a way to contact the person and after a few texts to kababata's and past kapitbahay's, I got the person's number and decided to text the person the next day. The person was busy that day (which was yesterday)- the reason why we only had kanina as the common available time to talk. It took all my guts to dial the phone, and talk to the person. If I had my way, I'd rather not face the ghost of the past. They say, better leave the skeletons locked inside the closet. But I know it’s about time to address the past, to settle what needs to be settled and to move on. Three objectives I had. To ask forgiveness, to release blessing and to say thank you. With trembling hands and a prayer on my lips, I dialed the number and we talked. You see, a few years back, the person and I were close. Very close. Extremely close. Too close for comfort. Too close not to be called as mere 'ordinary' friends anymore. I once heard someone say, "The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing to do." It clearly was not yet the time. The closeness choked my relationship with my True Love and so I had to make a choice, friendship or True Love. I chose rightly but I left the person without saying goodbye. Without a clear explanation. The person deserved much more. Years passed and I’ve been meaning to talk to the person but my True Love did not yet allow. Finally, the time has come. And finally, I am released from the vows of the past. I have faced that chapter and I have overcome victoriously. Now I can move on. Next chaper please. Next challenge Lord... Current Mood: content Current Music: You are my portion- darrell evans

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September 25th, 2004

07:16 am - first time History is in the making right now folks! For the frist time i am publicly exposing my feelings. Thinker that I am, I don't think this is appropriate for my staus- pastor-leader-ate-mommy-model. I have to project an image that I am always ok, never shaken by any circumstance, unmoved by any wind, storm nor bagyo. But due to the influence of a certain 'beautiful woman' and a 'witty lil gurl', I'm here. I still don't know where to start. And I haven't decided yet what to say. I don't just want to blurt out/ write down/ type in? anything I feel. You know, thinker that I am, I have to analyze first. Maybe I'll start by putting some designs on my page. hehe. next time na lang ang pagladlad. Current Mood: this is not me. Current Music: praise the Lord Oh my soul!

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